Second Doping Positive in Jackson (April 1st)

For Immediate Release:

According to a press release from USA Cycling, Jackson amateur racer and JHCycling founder Forest Dramis has tested positive for exogenous erythropoietin, commonly known as EPO.

Mr. Dramis was recently the subject of an out-of-competition test while on vacation in Hawaii. Mr. Dramis did not have a Therapeutic Use Exemption (TUE) for EPO. When queried he stated that he took EPO to help remedy a high blood pressure issue relating from the long lines at the local post office.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the victim here. Between the long lines at the post office and the difficulty getting a decent dessert in town, my blood pressure was soaring. I just needed something to level the playing field,” said Dramis.

Dramis, who has a long history complaining about postal queues and the nearly ubiquitous inclusion of molten lava cake on local menus, insisted he didn’t even know EPO was a performance-enhancing drug. “I took it to feel normal again. Sure, I started winning every Strava KOM in the valley, but I don’t think that had anything to do with the EPO.”

While Mr. Dramis remains unapologetic for his actions, he hopes the cycling community will come together to comfort him in these trying times.